Hello my friend, There is a worry many thoughtful horse people carry. If I stop pushing, will I lose leadership? It can feel like there are only two choices: become more insistent, or become so soft and careful that your horse is left to guess what you are asking. But clear does not have to mean forceful. I was reminded of this one day with Coach. He came in easily and let me halter him. Once we were in the arena, he paused a little way from the gate. Instead of asking him to move on right...
13 days ago • 2 min read
Hello my friend, When I first met Elle, standing quietly in the arena was very hard for her. If she was not restrained, she would bolt out the arena door and down the aisle. Her body was telling us that the arena did not yet feel like a place where she could settle. Recently, Elle stood by that same door, without me holding onto the lead rope, and let me pick out her feet. It would be easy to turn that moment into a judgment. To look at the earlier Elle and think, She was not doing well. To...
20 days ago • 1 min read
Hello my friend, One day, I went out to get Coach, and he actually came up to me. That might sound small, but Coach is a very anxious horse. He came off the track because his anxiety made racing impossible, so his willingness to come toward a person is information I do not take lightly. When he approached me, I offered him the halter. Instead of standing to have it put on, he began walking toward the door. For a moment, I was not sure what I was seeing. Was he trying to get away from me? Did...
27 days ago • 1 min read
Hello my friend, This month, we have been talking about what happens when pressure starts getting mixed into our interactions with our horses. The pressure to do something. The pressure to fix the moment. The pressure to know exactly what to do next. When our horse is worried, disconnected, or having trouble receiving what we are asking, it can be easy to feel like we need to have the whole answer right away. But we do not. We do not have to get it all figured out at once. We can come back to...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hello my friend, I was remembering a time I worked with Couples Therapy when he was having a hard time settling. His attention kept traveling out to his herd. His body was busy. He had a lot to hold. I know how easy it is in a moment like that to feel the pull to do more. Ask for more. Move the feet more. Be clearer. Be firmer. Find the thing that will finally get the horse through it. But that was not what he needed from me that day. He needed rhythm. Time. A quieter conversation. So we...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hello, my friend! There are moments with horses when the plan makes complete sense. You have a horse who is usually well schooled. You have an idea that feels reasonable. Maybe the day feels a little unsettled, and you think a familiar bit of movement might help everyone find their footing again. And then your horse tells you: not today. That happened with Vance recently. The farm has had a lot of change in it. Trio is gone. Couples Therapy was adopted. Insta is away in training. Vance had...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
Hello, my friend! I've been thinking about the quiet pressure so many of us carry around our horses. Not always loud pressure. Not always obvious pressure. Sometimes it sounds very reasonable. Should I ask for a little more? Should I test the thing that has been hard before? Should I prove we've made progress? I felt that with Coach recently. He had given me several quiet yeses that day. Not dramatic yeses. Not the kind that would make a flashy before-and-after video. Just real ones. He let...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
Hello, my friend! This past week, there was a pretty significant moment with Coach that has stayed with me. He had already given me several quiet yeses that day. Not big, dramatic, movie-scene yeses. The kind that are easy to miss if you are only watching for the final outcome. Earlier, he had been near threshold. He has a hard time away from his pasture mates, and that mattered. It would have been easy to look at his behavior in the arena and make it mean something about obedience, training,...
2 months ago • 2 min read
Hello, my friend! Pressure can sneak into time with horses. It does not always look harsh. Sometimes it looks like asking again too quickly, before the horse has had time to process the first invitation. Sometimes it looks like emotional pursuit. The horse hesitates, and something in us tightens. They look away, and we feel the pull to get them back. They brace, and before we realize it, we are trying to fix, repeat, convince, or resolve. And often, the more we chase connection, the further...
2 months ago • 2 min read