Hello, my friend!
I've been thinking about the quiet pressure so many of us carry around our horses.
Not always loud pressure. Not always obvious pressure. Sometimes it sounds very reasonable.
Should I ask for a little more?
Should I test the thing that has been hard before?
Should I prove we've made progress?
I felt that with Coach recently.
He had given me several quiet yeses that day. Not dramatic yeses. Not the kind that would make a flashy before-and-after video. Just real ones.
He let me catch him. He came with me. He stayed connected. He settled in the arena. His head lowered. His body softened enough that I could feel something was changing.
There was progress there.
And then I noticed the familiar human question rise up:
Should I test the harder thing now?
Part of me wanted to know if the progress would hold. Part of me wanted to check the place where things had been difficult before. Part of me wanted proof.
And that is such a human thing.
Many of us have been taught to measure progress by asking more. Going farther. Testing the old problem.
Sometimes that information matters.
But sometimes the test is not really coming from the horse. Sometimes it is coming from the pressure in us.
The pressure to know. The pressure to be clear. The pressure to prove that what we are doing is working.
And that is where I had to pause.
Coach had already answered enough for that day.
So I did not ask him to prove it.
I put him back while the yes was still intact.
That may sound simple, but it is one of the places the HCR framework matters most to me.
This work is not about avoiding hard things, or letting the horse decide everything while the human disappears.
It is about learning how to stay in relationship with what is actually happening.
What is my horse showing me?
What is happening inside me?
Is my next step coming from clarity, or from pressure?
Am I leading the horse in front of me, or am I trying to prove something to myself?
That distinction matters.
Your horse does need leadership.
But your horse does not need you to perform certainty. Your horse does not need your confidence to be a costume.
Your horse needs you present enough to see what is happening, steady enough to pause when pressure starts leading, and clear enough to choose the next step that protects both of you.
That is the heart of this month's theme:
Trust grows when you stop proving yourself.
Not because you stop learning. Not because you stop leading. Not because you stop asking meaningful things of your horse.
But because the relationship has room to become a conversation instead of a test.
That pause I made with Coach — choosing not to test what didn't need testing — is exactly what we'll practice together this month.
And this is why I'm opening a small two-day live Zoom workshop later this month:
Becoming the Leader Your Horse Can Trust
August 25–26
Replay included
This workshop is for the moments when you love your horse, but the interaction gets hard and you start to doubt yourself.
The moment your horse says no. The moment you are not sure whether to ask again or pause. The moment you feel pressure to be more confident, more clear, more firm, more certain.
We will practice another way.
A way to see what your horse is communicating. A way to notice what happens inside you.
A way to find your next clear step without overriding yourself or your horse.
This is not about becoming perfect. It is about becoming steadier in the moments that usually make you question yourself.
If you have been feeling that quiet pressure to prove yourself with your horse, there is another way to meet that moment.
Coach and I will keep practicing it. I hope you'll join us.
With you and your horse,
Kim
If you would like some support with developing your skill of pause, reply to this email. The horses, donkeys and I would love to help!
