Hello my friend,

When I first met Elle, standing quietly in the arena was very hard for her.

If she was not restrained, she would bolt out the arena door and down the aisle. Her body was telling us that the arena did not yet feel like a place where she could settle.

Recently, Elle stood by that same door, without me holding onto the lead rope, and let me pick out her feet.

It would be easy to turn that moment into a judgment.

To look at the earlier Elle and think, She was not doing well.

To look at the Elle who can now stand quietly and think, Now she is finally being good.

But that is not what I believe happened.

We did not get here by focusing on the problem of Elle not being able to stand still in the arena.

We got here through many smaller experiences of helping her feel safer, trust me more, and find more steadiness in herself.

Standing quietly by the door did not mean she had finally become “good.” It was information. It told me that something in her experience of that space—and in our relationship—had changed.

That distinction matters.

When we make our horse’s response a judgment about our worthiness—whether we are capable enough, doing enough, or getting it right—we can end up chasing the response we want. We may push harder when the horse is struggling, or take it personally when they cannot offer what we hoped for.

But when we receive the response as information, we have something more useful.

We can ask: What is this moment telling me about what my horse can receive right now? What support might help? What has become possible that was not possible before?

And we can also let the smaller signs count.

A horse standing quietly where she once felt she needed to flee may not look dramatic from the outside. But for that horse, it can represent many quiet experiences of safety, trust, and growing capacity coming together.

Progress does not always arrive as a finished picture.

Sometimes it looks like a horse pausing instead of leaving.

Sometimes it looks like a softer breath.

Sometimes it looks like a horse who can stand by the door long enough to let you pick out her feet.

Your horse’s response is not a judgment on you. It is information about the conversation you are having together.

And when we listen to that information instead of judging it, we have a much better chance of helping the next step become possible.

Wishing you many bright moments,

Kim

If you would like a supported place to keep practicing what you notice with your horse, I would love to welcome you into Becoming: Horse Centered Recalibration.

Learn more about Becoming: https://becoming-hcr.carrd.co​

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