Hello my friend,

There is a worry many thoughtful horse people carry.

If I stop pushing, will I lose leadership?

It can feel like there are only two choices: become more insistent, or become so soft and careful that your horse is left to guess what you are asking.

But clear does not have to mean forceful.

I was reminded of this one day with Coach.

He came in easily and let me halter him. Once we were in the arena, he paused a little way from the gate. Instead of asking him to move on right away, I stayed with him there and did some release work.

He remained in one place, processing.

So I unclipped the lead rope rather than leaving it attached, got fly spray and a curry because he was itchy, and returned to spend some quiet time with him. I did not make many requests that day because he did not feel as solidly with me as he had on other days.

Later, after I had turned him back out, I remembered that he still had one bell boot on his left front foot.

It was something that needed to be taken care of.

I went out to him, called his name, and walked toward him.

Coach walked right up to me and let me put the bell boot back on.

There was nothing vague about what I needed to do. The bell boot needed to go on. But I did not have to turn that need into urgency or force.

Earlier in the day, Coach had shown me that he needed less asked of him. I could receive that information without abandoning all direction. Then, when there was a simple, clear need, I could approach him with a steady invitation and let his response matter.

That is a different kind of leadership.

Softness without clarity can feel confusing. Our horses may not know what we are asking, where the boundary is, or how to find their way with us.

But clarity without softness can become pressure. We may become so attached to the outcome that our body, timing, and energy begin to say, This has to happen now.

Horses can feel the difference.

Clarity gives softness a shape.

It means we can know what matters without tightening around it. We can make an honest request without making the horse responsible for our anxiety. We can offer direction while staying available to what they are showing us.

Sometimes that means the next step is to wait.

Sometimes it means we need to adjust the plan.

And sometimes it means the clearest thing we can do is simply walk toward our horse, let them know what we are asking, and give them room to come with us.

Leadership does not disappear when pressure comes off. It can become more trustworthy.

Wishing you many bright moments,

Kim

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If you would like a supported place to keep practicing what you notice with your horse, I would love to welcome you into Becoming: Horse Centered Recalibration.

Learn more about Becoming: https://becoming-hcr.carrd.co​

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