Hello, my friend,

There’s a moment many horse owners recognize.

You start trying to be more aware.

You watch every step your horse takes.

You monitor their ears.

Their breathing.

Their posture.

You try to catch problems before they happen.

But instead of things improving, the interaction starts to feel tense.

The horse braces.

Or hurries.

Or disconnects.

And suddenly it feels like you’re both working harder, but getting less.

The truth is, sometimes the problem isn’t lack of awareness.

Sometimes it’s too much effort.

Trying harder to be aware can actually narrow our perception.

When our mind is busy monitoring, anticipating, and correcting, our internal pressure increases. Horses feel that immediately.

Recently I was working with a horse named Andy.

He was having a hard time following simple requests and standing quietly with people. Many would have labeled it bad behavior.

But Andy has kissing spine, a condition that can make movement uncomfortable and confusing for horses.

Instead of trying to correct every moment, I put him in the round pen and asked him to move.

My goal wasn’t obedience.

It was organization.

When horses are uncomfortable or overwhelmed, their movement often becomes disorganized. Their bodies lose rhythm, and with it their ability to connect.

So I held one simple boundary: stay with the direction and rhythm for a little while.

From the outside it might have looked firm at times. I had to redirect him when he tried to break the pattern.

But the intention wasn’t to control him.

It was to help him reorganize.

After a few minutes, something began to change.

First his rhythm steadied.

Then his body softened.

And only after that did his attention begin to return.

That sequence matters.

Rhythm first.

Softness next.

Attention last.

If I had been trying to monitor every step or correct every moment, I might have interrupted the very process that allowed him to recalibrate.

Trying harder to be aware often narrows our perception.

But when we soften our effort and create space for the horse to reorganize, connection can return naturally.

And when connection returns, learning becomes possible again.

With heart,

Kim

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If this resonates and you’re interested in exploring what real calms feels like, you’re welcome to reply to this email.

The horses, donkeys, and I would love to help!